L Stands For Luminol

In the damp cell of life, I serve my time and think of you.

Your silenced lips now haunt me. If only I’d known what I’d do.

I often hear your voice, and I sometimes sense your soul.

I always taste your tears, so I never feel quite whole.

You are the man I love. Yet, you’re the drug I hate, but need.

Still, I’m the one who shrugs; I wash my hands of why you bleed.

Why did you make me do it? We could’ve worked, I knew we could!

If only you had done the things you swore to me you would.

I chose a dress of Chantilly lace. I chose a dress of white.

Then I chose to end a life—that was our final fight.

I tried to practice temperance, to be patient– Don’t you see?

But when you broke your promises, you got the best of me.

I thought I could backpedal and take back those things I said.

I thought that if I cleaned the blood, it’d raise you from the dead.

Soaking up harsh words, I tried to scrub your pain with bleach.

Yet traces of the crime remain in places I can’t reach.

They said you wouldn’t make it, but you told me you’d return.

It’s been two years. I’m shackled still. I guess I’ll never learn.

No one ever saw it coming. Some think I did it for the thrill.

My charge was Death By Tongue. Would you still say that words don’t kill?

© C.M. 2018 All Rights Reserved

 

Today’s poem is a repost from my deleted poetry blog; it is one of my favorites. If you are a habitual reader of mine (I’m totally grateful for you, if you are!), you may have noticed that the vast majority of my poetic attempts address my love life… (ahem) or pitiful lack thereof. This is hardly intentional, but love is a theme I feel is most relatable, so it’s okay by me if I keep writing about it. Hopefully, ya’ll don’t mind so much either 🙂

In other news… I’ve been MIA for awhile. Whoops. This is becoming a far more prevalent occurrence than I would care to admit, but I promise that it was for good reason this time. I’ve just returned from a much needed vacation, so I’m hoping that my stay by the sea was enough to shake loose the cobwebs of my mind. Though relatively brief and haphazardly planned, my trip was rather therapeutic, so I’m looking forward to sharing the random epiphanies I had during my absence.

As always, I hope you are all doing wonderfully. ❤

If you enjoyed this little blurb, I’d greatly appreciate you giving it a like or sharing it with someone you think might also enjoy it.
Also, don’t forget to follow this blog for more stories and ramblings! Ciao for now! ❤

 

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*Unless otherwise specified to be property of LonersGuideToLife.com, all photos were sourced from Pexels.*
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bluebird.

Bloodied heart. Wasted dreams.

I just can’t shake this love, no matter how much pain it brings.

I’m a grounded bluebird, with its shattered, tattered wings.

Even though the bird can’t fly, it isn’t dead, for it still sings.

That’s kind of how I feel about this thing called “us”.

At least, that’s how it was… these days it’s hard— there’s only dust.

Once ironclad, we’re tear-soaked.

Now there’s only rust.

So, I guess that’s just what happens when you 

lose

my

trust.

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True Love Never Dies

A good number of us know the feelings that can accompany the end of a treasured relationship. Whether you’ve grown apart from your romantic partner, completely lost touch with an old friend, or found yourself estranged from a family member, the pain of these experiences can be long-lasting.

Depswa’s “Prom Song” is all too relatable. This song really resonates with me because I’m reminded of a major truth in life: True love never dies.

Stepping away from my (former) fiancé was the most heartbreaking and life-altering decision I ever had to make. Though it took quite a bit of time (as well as some deep reflection), I was able to emerge from the ashes of “what was” with the strength, clarity and resolve to confidently move toward “what is to be”. 

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an unnecessary evil

 

There might not be a need for this.

A hasty farewell stalks a salty kiss. 

We are but four hands, two heads, and one determined mind

A defunct design. 

 

It’s tragic on the surface, but I swear we’re fine.

 

There might not be a need for this.

Your harsh reality, my tardy bliss

If only I could, I’d trade my flesh and split my soul.

I’d shorten my life to make you whole.

 

The wheels have fallen off, but He’s in control.

 

There might not be a need for this.

A single tear rolls down the face I’d miss.

You’ve searched across the land, putting your life in the hands of man.

A most flawed plan.

 

You think no one can save you, but I know He can.


 

Life is full of unnecessary evils.

In the midst of awe-inspiring beauty and joy lurks needless suffering and pain. We fill our lives with activity and noise, hoping that by doing so we can block out the misfortunes of others… as well as outrun tragedy ourselves. This works a majority of the time for the majority of us. However, what happens when life-altering situations land square on our doorstep like the Sunday paper?

The world will tell you that matters such as terminal illness, addiction, trauma and poverty are inevitable conditions of the human experience. Though they are not guaranteed to be imposed upon the masses, people would have you believe these are things that simply happen from time to time… as though we should accept them as a mere inconvenience or wrinkle in the fabric of our fragile lives.

But it isn’t true. This doesn’t have to be true.

When the clearly paved road we travel fades into a rocky, abandoned footpath it can be so easy to rely upon our senses to perceive the fullness of our reality. We may have sought out the very best advice, spoken to all the experts we could find, and done everything within our own power to solve our problems. But still, you may be left wondering what can be done when nothing seems to work. You’re still sick. You’re still lost. You’re still broken.

There comes a time in many of our lives when we are faced with a problem that is bigger than ourselves. We could turn the entire world upside down on itself and still never come close to finding the answers we so desperately seek. Hopelessness and despair will start to converge upon us, and we will question what this life was ever for. It is in these deep, dark moments of fear and oppression that we must all turn our eyes to the sky.

No matter the situation, there is always hope. If you’re still here, there’s still a chance. We must simply remember that there is more to this life than what we can see or readily explain. Even the most intelligent men on Earth are ignorant of what really lies behind our existence. You don’t have to understand how you can be delivered from your circumstances in order to be rescued. Likewise, you don’t have to see an answer for there to be one.

He who seeks shall find. He who asks shall receive.

If there is ever a time you find yourself with questions no one can answer, I hope you will remember to go to the One who knows all, sees all, and loves all.


If you enjoyed this little blurb I’d greatly appreciate you giving it a like or sharing it with someone you think might also enjoy it.
Also, don’t forget to follow this blog for more stories and ramblings! Ciao for now! ❤

 

Chanelsignature

*Unless otherwise specified to be property of LonersGuideToLife.com, all photos were sourced from Pexels.*

 

frigid untrustworthy thoughts.

How you gonna inhale when it feels like you are choking?

How you gonna pray when your heart breaks just from hoping?

How you gonna smile when you’re this full of noxious doubt?

How you gonna close your eyes and bleed the heartache out?

 

How you gonna tell yourself you’re better all alone?

How you gonna cope when no one ever rings your phone?

How you gonna find the light when voids are all you see?

How you gonna give up on the woman you could be?

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Daydream

I dream of you often, dear fragment of my imagination. I long for you still, so I’m burdened by this hopeful frustration. 

God, please grant me more patience.

There’s no fear here at all. I’m ready and willing; I’ve prepped for the fall.

Are two hearts really two hearts? Are we lonely, feeling outcast til the love starts? 

Two souls meeting here in the black dark. Emerge as one in the bright light.

You’re there hoping that you’re wrong. I’m here praying that I’m right. Reality hurts us both, so I’m closing my eyes. What a beautiful sight…

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What The $#!+*@?- A Breakup Story

It seems as though 2007 came and went without any written record of my whereabouts.

Though I am confident that I would have scribbled my feelings into a notebook from time to time, I have been unable to locate such an article. If a diary from this period of my life ever surfaces, I will have to skim it for particularly telling tidbits of information. But until that day, the explanations that follow will have to suffice.

Adam and I broke up soon after the New Year. When I say “break up” I actually mean detonated.

By this point in time, I had just quit my job in preparation for my move to San Diego. Up until our demise, we had still planned to move in together. However, I had a swift change of heart about two weeks before signing the lease. Something in my spirit told me that moving in with him would prove to be the biggest mistake of my life, so I ended up planning to move down there on my own. As I’m sure you could guess, Adam wasn’t the slightest bit blessed by my decision.

The actual breakup was rather dramatic and abrupt. I remember trying to reach him by phone quite late one evening. When my calls went unanswered for several hours, I grew worried about his whereabouts. By the time he finally answered, I was met by all manners of noise in the background. His salutation was slurred and sloppy— he was undeniably intoxicated. I knew how the call would end the moment I heard his voice. I had had enough of his buffoonery.

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Cold, Cold Porcelain

It is hard for me to remember the events of late 2006 with any degree of precision or accuracy. However, I highly doubt my memory was any better at the time.

In the span of time from October to December of that year, my relationship with Adam suffered considerably. The resurfacing of my ex-boyfriend and the arguments that swiftly followed, kicked off a miserable chain of events that Adam and I never quite came back from. With a quickness, we were thrown into a revolving door of accusations and low blows.

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Shame On You

“If only I knew then what I know now.” I have such mixed feelings about this statement.

For the most part, I avoid saying things like this because hindsight is 20/20. In the majority of cases, I think most people would take the knowledge they have now and use it to positively influence their past if they thought it could lead to a preferable outcome. All the same, we can’t go back in time and alter anything, which renders the whole wishful nature of statements such as these useless…

… yet I still found myself thinking this way when I read over today’s post.

There is a certain degree of detachment for me when I read past writings such as the one below. Although I can vividly recall how I felt in those particular moments, it still feels slightly foreign. This is quite a peculiar position to be in because I never thought my day of freedom would come. I’d been imprisoned against my will by inexplicable sorrow for so long… my current state of being is supremely surreal in comparison.

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I Nell. Me Was Caveman.

There once was a time when I handled my romantic relationships like a caveman. Not even a cavewoman. A caveman.

Despite having grown up in a family full of (questionably) happily married couples, I never had any formal training when it came to learning how to form my own relationships. Did any of you? Hmm. Perhaps I mistook the Dating 101 seminar invitation for junk mail… or bills. *Shudder* I always make sure to throw my bills into the recycling bin straight away. It’s good for the environment, you know.

Anyhow, unlike the whole birds and the bees thing (from which I naively took away the message, “Never, ever, ever touch boys”), my mother never sat me down and explained what I should and should not do if I hoped to maintain a successful partnership with a member of the opposite sex.

I didn’t have any siblings to ask, and although I’d grow to have friends who also dated, I wasn’t about to pick their brains about something so serious. Besides, I was fairly confident that they didn’t know what they were doing either. It seemed like a much better idea to wing it. And so, I did.

Turns out I was a relational caveman. No contemplation. No patience. No decorum. No idea what the heck I was doing. It was simply, “Me like. Me want. Me take. Me bored. Me throw away. Me like new thing now. You go away.” And the cycle would repeat itself.

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