Today’s throwback post is an unwelcome reminder of my history with disordered eating. For as long as I can remember I have dealt with cyclical bouts of binge eating and bulimia (with or without some form of purging)—yet another thing I’m not particularly proud of.
I’m sure I will someday talk about how this whole issue got started, but for now, I can confidently say that I am mostly recovered. Anxiety-induced binges are still a problem from time to time, but I am currently doing my very best to offset them by eating normally and losing weight the “right” way.
Contrary to what would be a perfectly understandable and acceptable assumption, I have not fallen off the weight loss wagon. I can just imagine it now: Me, rolling down a hill of cupcakes and conveniently landing on the sofa…right next to a box of chocolates. (Sigh) If only.
No, my good friends, I have actually done my best not to ditch my weight loss goals for an entire carton of Haagen-Dazs coffee ice cream. Of course, this wasn’t the easiest task for me, what with moving and the flu and all. It’s not been what I’d exactly hoped, but I’m still here and still trying. Surely that counts for something, right?
Well, even if my efforts are actually complete crap, I’m here to update you guys on what I’ve been up to post-flu. I mean, let’s just be honest here…I didn’t do jack all in the span of time between my last update and two weeks ago. But don’t worry! I’m back in the game and I’m here to win. 🙂
I never, ever get sick. Yet when I do, it feels like the end of the world.
I feel like the dinosaurs must have felt when they saw the meteor coming.
I feel like how Friends fans must have felt when they realized the series was (finally!) coming to an end.
I feel like the girl who just texted her crush, “Do you like me like me?” only to get the response, “Who is this??”
I feel like how every Democrat felt when they realized Hillary didn’t win.
I feel like how every Democrat still feels when reminded that Hillary didn’t win.
I haven’t had the time (or desk space) to post since moving, so I thought my return post would be totally different.
I haven’t laughed as much or as hard as I did tonight in a long, long time. I missed it.
After the unpleasant event that occurred last weekend, my vibes were totally off this week. I haven’t been nearly as productive as I wanted to be. In addition to going through all kinds of stress (justified or otherwise), my overall physical well-being has been a bit…crap. From time to time, I experience these annoying episodes of not feeling very well. Things have certainly been worse in the past, so I’m extremely grateful that I seem to be getting better overall. However, when things go south, it can be pretty painful and debilitating. Not being able to do the things I would like to do, but am too weak to accomplish tends to make me feel like a worthless loser (lol).
For anyone who deals with any type of chronic illness or ongoing condition, I’m sure someone out there can relate to the frustration I go through. I just want to be productive and happy without being slowed down by a body that prefers to frequently rebel against me, you know? Having gone through this for a few years, I know how important it is for me to consistently focus on things that make me feel good and help me to inject more joy into my life. However, my preoccupation with everyday life has caused me to forget the benefit of laughter.
It has probably been a week or so since my last weight loss journey update. I’ve been procrastinating a bit with the update for a couple of reasons, but the most prominent reason has to do with the fact that I’ve been dealing with some fairly difficult stuff in my everyday life. The last few days have been especially emotionally trying for me, which has caused me to get off track with many of my goals. Of course, I made the mistake of allowing my emotions to disrupt my weight loss routine (as always), so I wasn’t particularly thrilled about announcing that I haven’t been on my best behavior diet-wise.
Despite my recent shortcomings, I am not completely discouraged. This last period of time has been challenging, yes, but I am dead set on getting back on track this week. Since my last update, I have managed to shake off my anxiety about trying to lose weight ASAP. I’m really starting to come to terms with the reality of my situation, and the reality is that this process will be one hell of a marathon. Not a sprint, but a cross-country crawl. I will not reach my goal weight any time in the near future, so I may as well forget about trying to achieve the impossible.
It has been a little while since I last mentioned my weight loss progress. Much to my own surprise, I didn’t go ape nuts with food after my water fast. On the contrary, I rolled directly out of the fast into a sensible weight loss regimen. It is far too early to declare any amazing or shocking results, but I am managing to stick with it. So far, so good.
You know how you can sometimes be on a diet, cutting so much out that you want to maul anyone who gets to eat something other than rabbit food? I’ve definitely been there countless times before, which is why I am trying to not make the same mistake all over again. My only real concern is that I’m starting to feel as though my current weight loss plan may be too manageable. Too easy.
Hey, guys! What is up? Hopefully, everyone is doing well. It’s Friday, so the weekend is upon us, which is always a blessing, huh? I mean, unless you work weekends. In that case, I’m sorry. Really, really sorry. As for what’s been up with me, let’s get into that.
If you’ve been following my water fasting experiment and you read my last post (if not, what are you doing with your life??), then you already know that my attempt at a ten-day water fast was a major fail. Now that I’ve had the chance to recuperate, reflect and eat, I’d like to share my thoughts about the experience. Perhaps it will help someone who is a newbie or fasting-curious (as I was) get an idea of what to look out for.
Day 3 of 10 did not go as planned.
I have mixed feelings about what has occurred today, but the most profound feeling I have is one of extreme gratitude. At this time, it is hard for me to articulate my emotions and thoughts outside of that, so I am going to have to return at a later time to explain what “went wrong”. I just hope I don’t look like too much of a wuss. Hey, I did the best I could. I’m proud of myself for even trying. Eh…just trying to stay positive. Fake it til you make it.
Not gonna lie…today sucked really, really, really, really, really, really bad. Though I was nowhere near grouchy, my mood was reasonably impacted. As difficult as my struggles with anxiety and depression have been in the past, nothing could have prepared me for the crippling amount of self-doubt and weakness that I faced today.
I’m a pretty strong woman, but this water fasting experience is challenging me in ways I have staunchly avoided for a very long time. So even though I am not particularly enjoying the ride thus far, I’m learning so much about myself. Will I continue to learn more? Well, you’ll just have to keep tuning in to find out. I’m curious my own self!
Welcome to Day 1 of 10! I’ve decided to chronicle each day separately to give a more in-depth account of my experience. This way, you can see exactly how I’m feeling throughout the day. I apologize in advance if I start to sound agitated at any point of this journey. I’m simply documenting how I feel as I go through this process, so I will be trying my best to be as candid and transparent as possible. Truth be told, I am not a well disciplined health guru nor do I have prior experience water fasting for longer than a day or two. I’m learning as I go and doing my best. Besides, that’s all any of us can ever do.
Thank you to everyone who has tuned in and expressed interest in my journey over the last few days. I deeply appreciate the encouragement and will be sure to remember it when things get rough.