an unnecessary evil

 

There might not be a need for this.

A hasty farewell stalks a salty kiss. 

We are but four hands, two heads, and one determined mind

A defunct design. 

 

It’s tragic on the surface, but I swear we’re fine.

 

There might not be a need for this.

Your harsh reality, my tardy bliss

If only I could, I’d trade my flesh and split my soul.

I’d shorten my life to make you whole.

 

The wheels have fallen off, but He’s in control.

 

There might not be a need for this.

A single tear rolls down the face I’d miss.

You’ve searched across the land, putting your life in the hands of man.

A most flawed plan.

 

You think no one can save you, but I know He can.


 

Life is full of unnecessary evils.

In the midst of awe-inspiring beauty and joy lurks needless suffering and pain. We fill our lives with activity and noise, hoping that by doing so we can block out the misfortunes of others… as well as outrun tragedy ourselves. This works a majority of the time for the majority of us. However, what happens when life-altering situations land square on our doorstep like the Sunday paper?

The world will tell you that matters such as terminal illness, addiction, trauma and poverty are inevitable conditions of the human experience. Though they are not guaranteed to be imposed upon the masses, people would have you believe these are things that simply happen from time to time… as though we should accept them as a mere inconvenience or wrinkle in the fabric of our fragile lives.

But it isn’t true. This doesn’t have to be true.

When the clearly paved road we travel fades into a rocky, abandoned footpath it can be so easy to rely upon our senses to perceive the fullness of our reality. We may have sought out the very best advice, spoken to all the experts we could find, and done everything within our own power to solve our problems. But still, you may be left wondering what can be done when nothing seems to work. You’re still sick. You’re still lost. You’re still broken.

There comes a time in many of our lives when we are faced with a problem that is bigger than ourselves. We could turn the entire world upside down on itself and still never come close to finding the answers we so desperately seek. Hopelessness and despair will start to converge upon us, and we will question what this life was ever for. It is in these deep, dark moments of fear and oppression that we must all turn our eyes to the sky.

No matter the situation, there is always hope. If you’re still here, there’s still a chance. We must simply remember that there is more to this life than what we can see or readily explain. Even the most intelligent men on Earth are ignorant of what really lies behind our existence. You don’t have to understand how you can be delivered from your circumstances in order to be rescued. Likewise, you don’t have to see an answer for there to be one.

He who seeks shall find. He who asks shall receive.

If there is ever a time you find yourself with questions no one can answer, I hope you will remember to go to the One who knows all, sees all, and loves all.


If you enjoyed this little blurb I’d greatly appreciate you giving it a like or sharing it with someone you think might also enjoy it.
Also, don’t forget to follow this blog for more stories and ramblings! Ciao for now! ❤

 

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*Unless otherwise specified to be property of LonersGuideToLife.com, all photos were sourced from Pexels.*

 

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Changes: My Month Living As A Stranger

This is me.

Allegedly.*

Come to think about it, I’ve never actually verified that I am… well, myself (whoever that is). Mind boggling questions concerning my own existence aside, I am whoever I was the day I was born. 

I’d like to think that I’m far less dependent and helpless than I was back then. At least, I no longer find it appropriate to cry bloody murder whenever one of my basic needs requires attention. With any luck, I am much better off than I was as a clueless infant. However, I remain the same exact human being. 

Probably. 

Nonetheless, I have found myself living the life of a complete stranger lately. I’m not sure if the current state of affairs should bother me or not. For some reason I have this gut feeling that my usual self would be quite concerned about this. I would totally ask her about it too… if only I knew where to find her.

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frigid untrustworthy thoughts.

How you gonna inhale when it feels like you are choking?

How you gonna pray when your heart breaks just from hoping?

How you gonna smile when you’re this full of noxious doubt?

How you gonna close your eyes and bleed the heartache out?

 

How you gonna tell yourself you’re better all alone?

How you gonna cope when no one ever rings your phone?

How you gonna find the light when voids are all you see?

How you gonna give up on the woman you could be?

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San Diego (Part 2): The New Kid

It seems as though transferring to a new university as a bright-eyed undergraduate student would be a pretty important event in someone’s life… Important enough to remember with vivid clarity, I mean. Unfortunately, I don’t remember too much about transferring colleges.

Normally, I would blame this inability to remember on my shoddy memory. It has been an entire decade, after all. The problem with this excuse is that I have an impeccable memory—photographic even. And as if that wasn’t impressive enough, my selective memory is second to none. This may be a far, far more accurate reason as to why I no longer recall the early days studying at my alma mater. 😀

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Umm…. Whose Phone Is This?

Let me just start this off by saying that it is hardly uncommon for me to find items outside of my front door.

Small Amazon packages.

Large Amazon packages.

Sephora boxes.

Hungry (and extremely noisy) quails.

Gigantic, freakishly frightening Palo Verde beetles (Google these. I dare you)…

Copious amounts of sand and leaves.

Mid-sized Amazon packages.

Okay, so maybe I have a serious problem when it comes to shopping on Amazon. I’m working on it… sorta. That’s totally not the point I’m trying to make though. 

The concept that I’m trying to drive home today is plain and simple: I find random things on my doorstep on a very regular basis. Therefore, I have developed an almost compulsive habit of peeping out of my front door to see if any cool goodies (or scary creatures) are waiting for me on the patio. 

I also have a nearly compulsive tendency to track the shipping status of my online purchases multiple times a day, so I’m not too sure why I look outside for packages when I know full well that they haven’t arrived yet. It’s so weird, but it’s almost as though I expect deliveries from a mysterious benefactor to miraculously appear on a daily basis. I know this is highly improbable, but it never stops me from poking my head out into the blistering heat to check anyway. You know, “just in case”. 😛

Ya’ll, I got a bit of a shock today.

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Meet My New Kitten!

So… I’ve been absent from here for awhile lately. I’m truly sorry for that. 

I’ve made several attempts to peck out something or another, but my efforts have all ended with a retreat to the delete button. My most recent deletion was a detailed explanation that I decided was far too lengthy for its own good. Extremely long story short, there has been a lot of change in my life lately. Though I am quite thrilled about these changes, they have left me needing a lot more “me time”, which is a major reason for my silence.

No one told me to go rampaging through my life with a sledgehammer, but that’s essentially what I’ve done. In addition to adopting many new habits and undergoing a somewhat drastic change in appearance, I’ve been trying to rearrange my daily schedule. Well, all of this hustle and bustle has left me rather drained at the end of each day. I’m used to doing my writing late at night, but I simply haven’t had the energy to stay up long enough lately.

I sincerely hope to return to my (somewhat) daily posts soon, but I make no promises as to when! There are so many things that I’d like to share right now. However, I feel the need to take a bit of a step back for awhile. 

Although I am adjusting well to everything that is going on, I still feel emotionally taxed at times. I’ve never really gone through a period of time such as this, so it is rather difficult to describe it. Though I am perfectly content with life (despite the tone of my last poem), I admittedly lack the concentration I need to write coherently.

Anyhow, I’m not here to talk about all of this. Not yet, at least! Today, I’d like to talk about one of the changes I’ve recently made: I got a new kitten! 

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Best Kept Secret

Things are splendid. Things are grand! It often feels as though the whole wide world is in my hand. I’m so grateful. My future’s bright. Every cheerful, smiling face I see just sparkles with delight.

It always comes and goes like this til something finally goes amiss. And then a trickle of despair creeps in, gets tangled in my hair. No matter how good things get, I’m always smothered by regret. Before you know it, I’m the saddest girl alive. 

Never let them know it.

I just wish that I knew why.

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Veggie Placenta?!

Today I decided it might be nice to spruce myself up in preparation for my birthday. 

(Naturally) I’m not going anywhere, doing anything (interesting), or seeing anyone (unless my cat counts), BUT I will have to look at myself at some point tomorrow.

Therefore, I figured it’d be best to look half decent for my own amusement. “Hobo chic” totally works for me most days, buuut I guess it won’t hurt to put forth minimal effort one day a year.

As part of my restoration project, I dug through one of my bathroom vanity drawers in search of a face mask. I quite like K-beauty products as a whole, but Korean face masks… those are my entire world. Besides, when I put them on I look like Jason Voorhees— it’s kinda creepy. 

Well, I mean, I look like Jason Voorhees if he wore poorly matching pajama pants and embarrassingly oversized shirts during his workday. I guess in that light, it isn’t so much creepy as it is sad. I really should think about changing my household attire.

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When Karma Comes A-Knockin’

 

Knock knock!

 

“Who’s there?”

 

Hi, my name is Karma. 

I can see that you’ve been startled,

But I ne’er meant to alarm ya.

 

Truth be told, I’m most polite on any other day

I’d call you up ‘fore visiting if I could have my way

However, duty calls me to the job that I must do

I’ve come to bring harsh judgment

The recipient is you. 

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Daydream

I dream of you often, dear fragment of my imagination. I long for you still, so I’m burdened by this hopeful frustration. 

God, please grant me more patience.

There’s no fear here at all. I’m ready and willing; I’ve prepped for the fall.

Are two hearts really two hearts? Are we lonely, feeling outcast til the love starts? 

Two souls meeting here in the black dark. Emerge as one in the bright light.

You’re there hoping that you’re wrong. I’m here praying that I’m right. Reality hurts us both, so I’m closing my eyes. What a beautiful sight…

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