Help! I Need Your Thoughts.

Hey, how goes it? I hope you are all doing well. 🙂

Today’s post is going to be fairly short. I can hear all the cheers and sighs of relief from here. Would you mind toning it down? You’re liable to hurt my poor feelings (lol). Thank you. That’s much better. Anyhoo, I come to you today in hopes that you guys can help me with something.

I was in the middle of my nightly shower when an idea suddenly popped into my head. Come to think of it, all of my seemingly “good” ideas are inspired in the bathroom. I wonder why that is… 

It seems that I feel compelled to start a new website and create a web-novel out of it. Though I love this blog ever so much, I am a fiction writer at heart. Sharing my past and present life with you all has been a cathartic and blissfully challenging experience thus far. However, I have recently developed a strong yearning to return to my roots. 

Currently, I am quite afflicted with a serious (and lengthy) bout of writer’s block, which has prevented me from moving forward with a novel of mine. When I say “lengthy”, I mean LENGTHY. It’s been about four years of write, delete, write, delete. Though this particular book is the most meaningful thing I’ve ever written, I must admit that I am… apprehensive about actually finishing it. 

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Changes: My Month Living As A Stranger

This is me.

Allegedly.*

Come to think about it, I’ve never actually verified that I am… well, myself (whoever that is). Mind boggling questions concerning my own existence aside, I am whoever I was the day I was born. 

I’d like to think that I’m far less dependent and helpless than I was back then. At least, I no longer find it appropriate to cry bloody murder whenever one of my basic needs requires attention. With any luck, I am much better off than I was as a clueless infant. However, I remain the same exact human being. 

Probably. 

Nonetheless, I have found myself living the life of a complete stranger lately. I’m not sure if the current state of affairs should bother me or not. For some reason I have this gut feeling that my usual self would be quite concerned about this. I would totally ask her about it too… if only I knew where to find her.

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Meet My New Kitten!

So… I’ve been absent from here for awhile lately. I’m truly sorry for that. 

I’ve made several attempts to peck out something or another, but my efforts have all ended with a retreat to the delete button. My most recent deletion was a detailed explanation that I decided was far too lengthy for its own good. Extremely long story short, there has been a lot of change in my life lately. Though I am quite thrilled about these changes, they have left me needing a lot more “me time”, which is a major reason for my silence.

No one told me to go rampaging through my life with a sledgehammer, but that’s essentially what I’ve done. In addition to adopting many new habits and undergoing a somewhat drastic change in appearance, I’ve been trying to rearrange my daily schedule. Well, all of this hustle and bustle has left me rather drained at the end of each day. I’m used to doing my writing late at night, but I simply haven’t had the energy to stay up long enough lately.

I sincerely hope to return to my (somewhat) daily posts soon, but I make no promises as to when! There are so many things that I’d like to share right now. However, I feel the need to take a bit of a step back for awhile. 

Although I am adjusting well to everything that is going on, I still feel emotionally taxed at times. I’ve never really gone through a period of time such as this, so it is rather difficult to describe it. Though I am perfectly content with life (despite the tone of my last poem), I admittedly lack the concentration I need to write coherently.

Anyhow, I’m not here to talk about all of this. Not yet, at least! Today, I’d like to talk about one of the changes I’ve recently made: I got a new kitten! 

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It Finally Showed Up. Now What?

I seriously can’t even believe this.

Today I received an unusually wrapped item in mail. I stared at it for the first few moments as though I’d never before laid eyes on such a thing. This certainly isn’t the case, but I was shocked nonetheless. You see, I had gone online to request a postgraduate admissions catalogue from one of the schools I was interested in. It was supposed to arrive within ten business days, so I excitedly ran to check the mail every single day. To my disappointment, it never showed up. 

That was four months ago.

Much has happened in the last four months. Things have changed at a rapid pace. My goals, my career path, me. The notion of pursuing my Masters (much less a PhD) has managed to slip to the very back of my mind without me noticing or even caring. I’ve been so caught up with my new plans and aspirations, so enveloped in a blanket of newfound passion and positive expectation, that I had once again convinced myself that my grad school dreams weren’t important.

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Today.

Today started like any other day.

The cat temporarily lost her mind and began fussing at the crack of dawn. Muttering under her breath, she squeezed herself between my body and the edge of the bed. As usual, I could feel her curious green eyes boring holes through my head. I opened my left eye ever so slightly. Sure enough, her sweet little face was a mere inch or two away from my nose. She was watching my unmoving face, praying that her presence would be enough to wake me. 

Is she awake? I hope she’s awake. I think she should be awake. I want her to be awake. Now.

In an act of self-preservation, I shielded my face with my arm. Right on cue, she pawed at my bare forearm and mewed. I pretended to be asleep, but when she continued to bat at various body parts, I had to maneuver in order to avoid losing an eye… or two. Her nails pricked me several times, so with great regret, I greeted her with a friendly pat on her head. Of course, I had blown my cover, so it was then mandatory for me to get up and let her out of the bedroom. 

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Need More Peace In Life? Be Present.

The wealth of a prosperous man or woman should be measured not by the money lining their pockets, but by how much peace they have. If this was truly how society measured wealth, I would have been marked as destitute for most of my adult life.

You see, I used to suffer from debilitating anxiety. I’m talking 3-5 full blown panic attacks per week. It didn’t matter where I was, what I was doing or who I was with; anxiety would hunt me down like wounded prey on a daily basis. This (quite unintentional) tendency to be a bit high-strung left me held for ransom by anxious thoughts and habits for many years. Panic and worry made my day to day life far more difficult than it ever had to be.

Aside from wasting the majority of my days fighting back invisible bogeymen and straining to achieve even the slightest semblance of normalcy, my chronic lack of peace bled into every area of my life that meant something to me. My health, relationships, career and finances all took significant hits, leaving me with feelings of discouragement that couldn’t be overcome no matter how hard I tried. But this was then.

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Escape The Trappings Of Negativity & Worry In 5 Steps Or Less

 

“When it rains, it pours”… or so they say.

We’ve surely all heard this saying before. A perception that unpleasant situations often go from bad to worse is a popularly held belief. The crux of this is that our mere belief in something like this is often enough to bring corresponding events into our life that will support our position.

I’m sure you may have experienced this before— the domino effect. You get out of bed one day and stub your toe. Next, you iron your shirt for work, but accidentally scorch it. When you go to make breakfast for yourself you burn the toast.

It is not uncommon to focus our attention upon these frustrating occurrences and say, “Oh gosh, what else is going to go wrong today?” Before you know it, your entire day has gone to hell in a hand basket, further enforcing your belief that what can go wrong… will.

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100 Things I Absolutely Love

The world could use far more love. Wouldn’t you agree?

Today I hope to encourage you guys to spend some time thinking about the things and people you love by sharing 100 things that fill my life with happiness and enjoyment. I have seen other people do something like this before; it is always a fun and fascinating way to learn more about what makes them…them.

At first, it seemed like a lot of things to list! However, the making of this list was filled with ease. I love so many things, places and people! The more I contemplated what I loved, the longer my list grew. By the time I was finished, I felt as though I could have easily made it to a thousand. Now I feel so grateful. How lucky I am to live in a world so rich, expansive and varied that I have been able to quickly identify countless things to love and admire.

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Be Thou Removed

I’m afraid that I’ve gone and gotten myself into trouble again. Don’t bother sending for help. I fully accept where I’ve landed.

You see, he is the first thing on my mind when I wake up. I start praying for him before I can even get my eyes halfway open.

There used to be a time when I prayed first thing in the morning for the strength to chase down my dreams. I’d pray for the remaining members of my family—my cat too. World peace. More love. Less strife. Answers to questions I can’t answer. I still pray for these things, but I pray for him first. I always pray for him first.

I pray for him to find his rightful place and purpose in this world.

I pray that he lives with more gratitude and passion now than he ever did before.

I pray that he took my nervous ramblings to heart.

I pray that he doesn’t think that I am completely delusional.

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Super Humiliating Proof Of My Childhood

My mother has been rifling through some of her prehistoric belongings lately.

Old birthday cards. Old Valentine’s Day cards. Old Mother’s Day cards. Old Christmas cards.

From overpriced Hallmark Signature greeting cards to good ole’ fashioned handmade masterpieces, that woman has somehow managed to keep every single thing I’ve ever given her since I first learned that it was socially unacceptable to ignore your parents on holidays. So, she’s been harboring a lot of junk for a really, really LONG time.

I have no idea how she’s managed it. Her closet is like an extension of the Smithsonian, only instead of it being full of valuable relics of the past, it is full of complete garbage that her only child gave her: Me. You are most welcome, Mom.

Well, today she ever so graciously passed along two bits of antiquity that I gave her back in 1994. She thought I would find them “funny”. I then decided to share it with you guys, but please do not judge what you are about to witness. It’s sincerely a crime against humanity, but what’s done is done.

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