I low-key wish that Santa was real because for some inexplainable reason, the notion of a bearded jolly man shimmying down my chimney in a tacky red suit and boots really amuses me. Am I the only person who thinks it would be creepily awesome to leave cookies and milk out for a perfect stranger in exchange for him leaving gifts under your tree based on how naughty or nice you’d been? I mean, would he eat his snack right then and there, or would he take it to go? It would be cool to wait up for him all night just to see whether he slides down the chimney no prob or gets stuck halfway down. 🤔
I sorta kinda like fruitcake, but… don’t tell anyone. I know, I know… gross. Why do folks even bother giving them out? I mean, it’s almost something you’d want to give to people you can’t stand, like a festive way of saying, “You suck. Enjoy your gelatinous fruit filled loaf of nightmare fuel.” Furthermore, isn’t it taboo for people to actually eat the fruitcake that people gift them? Aren’t we supposed to use them as paperweights or bookends or something?
All the same, this never stopped me from nibbling on the fruitcake my aunt used to bake my parents each Christmas. No one else would ever touch it, so I would spend weeks trying to eat it by myself. I’ve actually never tried anyone else’s fruitcake, so it’s possible that I found the only edible fruitcake in existence. It’s also equally possible that I’m just really, really strange.
The most exciting Christmas gifts I ever got were my Yamaha 310 acoustic guitar and the Playstation 2—I cried so profusely that I made myself physically ill. I distinctly remember 2000 being a year that a lot of cool things came out, which led to my Christmas list being approximately the length of the Great Wall of China. Many of the ideas I’d given my parents were sort of expensive, so I would have considered myself lucky to get just one item out of the bunch.
My parents and I spent that particular Christmas at my grandparents’ house in another state, so for some ridiculous reason, my fourteen year old brain didn’t expect to have many presents under their tree (I probably thought I’d receive them once we got home). When I saw everything I’d been pining for sitting under the tree on Christmas morning I literally freaked out. The most notable gifts—the PS2 and guitar—immediately moved me to tears…and then to hyperventilation. I became so overwhelmed that I had to lie down; I couldn’t even enjoy my gifts until the next day. Eighteen years later, the same guitar still sits by my bed. ❤
I. cannot. wait. to. have. children.—I am going to prank the heck out of them one Christmas. A few days ago I told my mother that I thought it would be super funny to trick my future children into thinking all they got for Christmas was coal. I’ll get 20-30 gift boxes of varying sizes and decorate them like normal. One present after another, there will be nothing but a single lump of coal inside. Hopefully, I will manage to sit through the entire ordeal with a perfectly straight face as my husband (?) and I open our gifts. I plan to let most of the morning go by, convincing the kids that “Santa” hasn’t gotten them anything else. Meanwhile, all of their gifts will be waiting for them at my parents’ house.
One Christmas morning there was a horse under my tree—and by horse I mean a “Trojan horse virus” and by “under my tree” I mean on my brand new @%*?! computer. I will never forget getting out of bed and turning on my computer to look up something my roommate and I wanted to do Christmas day. I’d been gifted the desktop just a week prior, so you can imagine my surprise and devastation when I turned it on, but it flickered to the blue screen of death.
My most annoying Christmas ever was spent sitting on the phone with Norton “Anti-virus” (eyeroll) tech support in an attempt to recover my computer. Five hours and many internal cussing fits later, the tech guy was able to sort things out. I still have no idea how I got the virus. It couldn’t have possibly been all of those totaaaalllly legal song downloads from Limewire, right? Anyhow, the whole process had taken so long that I no longer felt like going out or cooking dinner, so my roommate and I grabbed Del Taco and watched Lifetime movies instead.
When it comes to Christmas gift giving, I buy presents for myself and open them all ahead of time—yeah, I’m that type. Don’t get me wrong—I spend a lot of time and have so much fun tracking down great gifts that the people in my life will love. Buuuut I do sometimes like to celebrate the season by treating myself to a few random things (most of them from my Amazon wishlist).
This year’s “me-gifts” were sort of weird, but I’m yet to have buyer’s remorse. In addition to Uncharted 4 and Uncharted: The Lost Legacy, I snatched up a silk scarf, a few books, a wallet, and a one pound bag of Pez candy refills (I don’t even own a Pez dispenser… I just had a taste for them). My favorite gift of all?: A foot bath bucket for my beloved at-home spa nights. Yes, a bucket. What can I say? I’m easy to please.
I was once mistaken for Toni Braxton by an adamant Chinese tourist while my best friend and I were spending our Christmas week in Las Vegas. My friend and I were walking back to our hotel after dinner when a man popped out of nowhere screaming, “Toni Braxton! Toni Braxton!” Toni had a residency performing in Vegas at the time, so thinking she was walking by or something, I started looking around for her. Unbeknownst to me, the man mistakenly thought I was Toni. At first I was like, “There’s no way. I don’t look anything like her. He couldn’t possibly mean me.”
However, I quickly realized that he did mean me. Running up to me whilst waving his camera inches from my face, he kept chanting, “Toni Braxton! So beautiful! I love you!” Humiliated and confused as to how anyone could mistake me for a famous person, I tried to correct the man, but he was dead sure I was Toni Braxton. Meanwhile, my friend was no help at all. She just stood there laughing like a hyena as the man begged for an autograph. All I knew to do was apologize repeatedly and sort of scamper off across the parking lot before anyone else noticed what was going on. 😂
If you enjoyed this little blurb, I’d greatly appreciate you giving it a like or sharing it with someone you think might also enjoy it.
Is there specific content you’d like to see more of on here? Please let me know! I’m always open to suggestions/requests.
Last, but not least, don’t forget to follow this blog for more stories and ramblings! Ciao for now! ❤
*Photo Credits: LonersGuideToLife.com *
*All written content is that of yours truly. Plagiarism sucks. If you “borrow” something from someone you should always give credit where it is due, so please be sure to do so. Karma will thank you.*