A good number of us know the feelings that can accompany the end of a treasured relationship. Whether you’ve grown apart from your romantic partner, completely lost touch with an old friend, or found yourself estranged from a family member, the pain of these experiences can be long-lasting.
Depswa’s “Prom Song” is all too relatable. This song really resonates with me because I’m reminded of a major truth in life: True love never dies.
Stepping away from my (former) fiancé was the most heartbreaking and life-altering decision I ever had to make. Though it took quite a bit of time (as well as some deep reflection), I was able to emerge from the ashes of “what was” with the strength, clarity and resolve to confidently move toward “what is to be”.
Moving on can be exceedingly difficult for some of us— I know it was for me. Personally, I struggled with overbearing feelings of guilt. After all, this had been someone I’d planned to spend the rest of my life with. The mere act of imagining myself moving on with someone new made me feel disloyal, which is the last thing I’d ever wish to be considered.
As time went on, I eventually abandoned my feelings of guilt. However, it wasn’t long before I was faced with a new problem. Crushing guilt was swiftly replaced with repression. Afraid to accidentally reactivate my feelings for my ex and consequently “relapse” (aka regret my decision to leave), I worked tirelessly to erase any memories of having cared for him from my mind. Though I gave it my best effort, it didn’t work.
I’ve adequately moved on these days, so I will have zero reservations about starting a new relationship with the right person (You know, whenever he appears on my doorstep because I’m not even about to go out looking lol). All the same, I admittedly have moments when I feel… unsettled whenever my ex is mentioned or I stumble upon something that reminds me of him.
Though my desire to be in a relationship with him is now null and void, I acknowledge that a piece of me still loves the man I originally fell in love with… and that bothers me.
Why does this bother me? Well, it seems to drudge up that whole “I feel guilty and disloyal” thing again. Even though I am no longer in love with him and I haven’t the slightest desire to be with him in a romantic capacity (ever again, actually), I still remember a time when this couldn’t have been further from the truth.
The conflicting difference between how I feel and how I felt has often made me question the validity of the relationship, as well as my role in the breakup:
If I cared so much, why did I leave? If I’m interested in pursuing a new relationship, then why does this person keep infiltrating my thoughts? How could I go from loving so deeply then to hardly feeling anything at all now?
To be honest, all of these questions are quite irrelevant. You know this. I know this. However, I don’t think it is terribly uncommon for individuals who have had a failed engagement, marriage or any other failed relationship to wish to understand certain things well after the fact. Besides, love can be complicated. We’ll never be able to fully comprehend the intricacies of love.
I’ve undoubtedly heard “Prom Song” a hundred times since I started listening to Depswa back in high school, but it was only today that its lyrics spoke to me so clearly. The particular line that I chose to share with you all today provides a beautifully somber conclusion to my bittersweet dilemma.
Colors may fade, turning vibrant to gray. But one thing’s unchanged: The picture is still the same.
Though the love we once had for the people in our lives may weather and fade with time, the fact that they were ever important to us still remains. Some of our relationships are not meant to last, but this doesn’t mark their role in our lives as pointless. As I always say, if you’ve loved and lost, you’ve lived and learned.
And while we may not always understand how such joy can turn to pain, we should all be appreciative of the great honor that’s been bestowed upon us— the honor of having truly loved someone to begin with.
I hope you enjoyed the first post of my newest series, “Musical Musings”. Truth be told, I’m an audio addict, so I listen to absurd amounts of music each day. It occurred to me that it may be fun to start sharing particularly thought-provoking lyrics that I come across… along with the thoughts they provoked. 🙂
What does this song lyric make you think of? Have a song you’d like me to listen to and do a post about? Let’s chit chat about it down below!
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