Best Kept Secret

Things are splendid. Things are grand! It often feels as though the whole wide world is in my hand. I’m so grateful. My future’s bright. Every cheerful, smiling face I see just sparkles with delight.

It always comes and goes like this til something finally goes amiss. And then a trickle of despair creeps in, gets tangled in my hair. No matter how good things get, I’m always smothered by regret. Before you know it, I’m the saddest girl alive. 

Never let them know it.

I just wish that I knew why.

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Veggie Placenta?!

Today I decided it might be nice to spruce myself up in preparation for my birthday. 

(Naturally) I’m not going anywhere, doing anything (interesting), or seeing anyone (unless my cat counts), BUT I will have to look at myself at some point tomorrow.

Therefore, I figured it’d be best to look half decent for my own amusement. “Hobo chic” totally works for me most days, buuut I guess it won’t hurt to put forth minimal effort one day a year.

As part of my restoration project, I dug through one of my bathroom vanity drawers in search of a face mask. I quite like K-beauty products as a whole, but Korean face masks… those are my entire world. Besides, when I put them on I look like Jason Voorhees— it’s kinda creepy. 

Well, I mean, I look like Jason Voorhees if he wore poorly matching pajama pants and embarrassingly oversized shirts during his workday. I guess in that light, it isn’t so much creepy as it is sad. I really should think about changing my household attire.

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When Karma Comes A-Knockin’


Knock knock!


“Who’s there?”


Hi, my name is Karma. 

I can see that you’ve been startled,

But I ne’er meant to alarm ya.


Truth be told, I’m most polite on any other day

I’d call you up ‘fore visiting if I could have my way

However, duty calls me to the job that I must do

I’ve come to bring harsh judgment

The recipient is you. 

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I dream of you often, dear fragment of my imagination. I long for you still, so I’m burdened by this hopeful frustration. 

God, please grant me more patience.

There’s no fear here at all. I’m ready and willing; I’ve prepped for the fall.

Are two hearts really two hearts? Are we lonely, feeling outcast til the love starts? 

Two souls meeting here in the black dark. Emerge as one in the bright light.

You’re there hoping that you’re wrong. I’m here praying that I’m right. Reality hurts us both, so I’m closing my eyes. What a beautiful sight…

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It Finally Showed Up. Now What?

I seriously can’t even believe this.

Today I received an unusually wrapped item in mail. I stared at it for the first few moments as though I’d never before laid eyes on such a thing. This certainly isn’t the case, but I was shocked nonetheless. You see, I had gone online to request a postgraduate admissions catalogue from one of the schools I was interested in. It was supposed to arrive within ten business days, so I excitedly ran to check the mail every single day. To my disappointment, it never showed up. 

That was four months ago.

Much has happened in the last four months. Things have changed at a rapid pace. My goals, my career path, me. The notion of pursuing my Masters (much less a PhD) has managed to slip to the very back of my mind without me noticing or even caring. I’ve been so caught up with my new plans and aspirations, so enveloped in a blanket of newfound passion and positive expectation, that I had once again convinced myself that my grad school dreams weren’t important.

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Today started like any other day.

The cat temporarily lost her mind and began fussing at the crack of dawn. Muttering under her breath, she squeezed herself between my body and the edge of the bed. As usual, I could feel her curious green eyes boring holes through my head. I opened my left eye ever so slightly. Sure enough, her sweet little face was a mere inch or two away from my nose. She was watching my unmoving face, praying that her presence would be enough to wake me. 

Is she awake? I hope she’s awake. I think she should be awake. I want her to be awake. Now.

In an act of self-preservation, I shielded my face with my arm. Right on cue, she pawed at my bare forearm and mewed. I pretended to be asleep, but when she continued to bat at various body parts, I had to maneuver in order to avoid losing an eye… or two. Her nails pricked me several times, so with great regret, I greeted her with a friendly pat on her head. Of course, I had blown my cover, so it was then mandatory for me to get up and let her out of the bedroom. 

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San Diego (Part 1): Single, Sad and Sorry

The biggest gag about having moved to San Diego is that I never wanted to move there in the first place.

Yes, yes, I totally realize that I may sound like a complete weirdo for having felt this way. I mean, who wouldn’t want to live in San Diego? The sun, the surf, the sand… San Diego is one of the many locales that people dream of moving to.

But just in case you’ve never seen the real estate prices for the area, a dream is often all that comes from their desires. The fact that I had the opportunity to move into a brand new apartment (with an attached private garage!) in one of the city’s most sought after neighborhoods is hard for me to comprehend even now.

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