I’m afraid that I’ve gone and gotten myself into trouble again. Don’t bother sending for help. I fully accept where I’ve landed.

You see, he is the first thing on my mind when I wake up. I start praying for him before I can even get my eyes halfway open.

There used to be a time when I prayed first thing in the morning for the strength to chase down my dreams. I’d pray for the remaining members of my family—my cat too. World peace. More love. Less strife. Answers to questions I can’t answer. I still pray for these things, but I pray for him first. I always pray for him first.

I pray for him to find his rightful place and purpose in this world.

I pray that he lives with more gratitude and passion now than he ever did before.

I pray that he took my nervous ramblings to heart.

I pray that he doesn’t think that I am completely delusional.

 

He remains on my mind off and on throughout the day. I don’t think about him continuously, but I very well could.

For reasons I can no longer control, I often catch myself in the midst of the rosy daydreams he insists upon starring in. He’s there when I brew my coffee. He’s there when I check my emails. He’s there when I am caught in the throes of writer’s block. He’s even there when I fruitlessly attempt to erase him. I’ve recently succumbed to the unseen force behind his power. Whenever I feel myself being pulled beneath the waves of impossibility, I pray.

I pray that he really is as brave and determined a man as he claims (and appears) to be.

I pray that the tempestuous path he has to take doesn’t break his spirit.

I pray that he finds everything he seeks from this life.

I pray that the cancer doesn’t take him away.

 

Is it wrong to lov— No, don’t say it. Don’t use words you couldn’t possibly mean.

Man would tell you that it is irrational, improper and irresponsible to have love for anything or anyone you know very little about. Who am I to argue? I don’t know all there is to know about the great mysteries and wonders of this sprawling universe of ours. My understanding of what is right or wrong in this world is trifling even on the best of days. I only know what I feel deep down in my soul. It could be nothing at all, but what… what if it’s everything? It is this undeniable, unrelenting sense of knowing that drives me to still pray.

I pray that he continues to live each day as though it were his last, but that it never actually is.

I pray that no matter what happens, his will to win can trump any negative medical report he may receive.  

I pray that when things become too overwhelming for him, he turns to God.

I pray that he soon comes to know the things that I know.

 

Another day has come and gone. In time, I will crawl back into bed and close my eyes.

I wish today had been the day that I found the answers I so desperately seek. However, I understand that some things simply aren’t for us to know with perfect clarity. Not everything can be solved with human logic, science, and physical understanding. This doesn’t mean that the right answer isn’t out there. It simply means that the very thing we are longing for is sometimes resting in the hands of the very one who crafted it. It is only by going to Him and asking for it that a full revelation can unfold. So, as I close my eyes tonight, I will do as I promised…and pray.

I pray that he is healed, without so much as a scar left to remember this trying time in his life.

I pray that he uses this experience for the greater good of all mankind.

I pray that he accepts the gift that’s given to him.

I pray for him.

 

“For verily I say unto you, That whosoever shall say unto this mountain, Be thou removed, and be thou cast into the sea; and shall not doubt in his heart, but shall believe that those things which he saith shall come to pass; he shall have whatsoever he saith. Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.” – Mark 11:23-24

 

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Written by nellsinaeternum

Just a girl lost in a daydream who is trying her best to color inside of the lines like everyone else, but is finding the act of smearing watercolor outside of the lines much, much more enjoyable.

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