It has probably been a week or so since my last weight loss journey update. I’ve been procrastinating a bit with the update for a couple of reasons, but the most prominent reason has to do with the fact that I’ve been dealing with some fairly difficult stuff in my everyday life. The last few days have been especially emotionally trying for me, which has caused me to get off track with many of my goals. Of course, I made the mistake of allowing my emotions to disrupt my weight loss routine (as always), so I wasn’t particularly thrilled about announcing that I haven’t been on my best behavior diet-wise.
Despite my recent shortcomings, I am not completely discouraged. This last period of time has been challenging, yes, but I am dead set on getting back on track this week. Since my last update, I have managed to shake off my anxiety about trying to lose weight ASAP. I’m really starting to come to terms with the reality of my situation, and the reality is that this process will be one hell of a marathon. Not a sprint, but a cross-country crawl. I will not reach my goal weight any time in the near future, so I may as well forget about trying to achieve the impossible.
With patience and persistence, I will eventually make it, but there will be quite a bit of time in between where I’m standing now and the finish line. In the meantime, life will continue. Some days will be good, others will be bad (as I have been experiencing), so I don’t want to get into the habit of giving up on this entire process just because I didn’t eat perfectly or workout every single day.
Having previously been a huge emotional and boredom eater, I already know what happens to my motivation and waistline when I go through a rough patch in life. I give into cravings and give up on myself and my dreams. It’s just that simple. These days, I am working hard to be mindful of this type of behavior, so I can minimize the damage I do and quickly bounce back. Thankfully, I have been exhibiting far more restraint than I have in the past, so this last past week hasn’t been too bad. I definitely don’t need to repeat the recklessness of the last few days, but I’m hoping that I’ve gotten it out of my system.
As far as my diet is concerned, I’ve been fairly careless. Outside of going over my calorie allowance nearly everyday last week (one day was actually 1000 calories over), I was making poor dietary choices all around. Though I ate fruit and vegetables, I ate far more fattening foods than I should have. Between fast food and frozen processed foods, everything was a bit of a mess. My food tracking was also piss poor…I am fairly sure that I didn’t track everything as accurately as I normally do.
The biggest issue for me last week was sugar. Sugar, sugar, sugar. In the space of time since I last updated, I’ve had cake, cupcakes, peach cobbler, cookies and various types of candy. I honestly don’t know what my problem was, but I kept eating truckloads of sugary sweets. While I didn’t go out and personally purchase any of these items myself, I shouldn’t have eaten them simply because they were available. Most of the time, I didn’t even want what I was eating. It was just there, I was feeling upset and down the rabbit hole I went.
Overall, I would say that I just didn’t eat smart last week. I would eat crappy high-calorie foods so early in my day that I’d run out of calories by noon and end up sneaking extra snacks in the afternoon (even though I knew I shouldn’t). Due to eating sugar-filled desserts and nutrient-lacking foods, I was having serious problems with satiety. Of course, I wasn’t drinking nearly enough water still, so I would eat something and be hungry again an hour later. The entire week was simply a hot mess, so I definitely got an F for eating.
As I’m sure you can imagine, my workouts were as sparse as my diet was junky. I don’t think I exercised more than an hour or two last week. Yeah, I know…really, really bad.
Truth be told, I’ve been a bit of a stress ball recently, which has negatively impacted my ability to sleep soundly through the night. When I’d wake up, I’d feel like death on legs, so it was extremely hard for me to find the energy or desire to do much of anything. Even though my poor diet probably contributed a great deal, I know that there were other reasons for my lack of motivation to workout. Deep down, I actually wanted to workout, but I just couldn’t dig deep enough to actually do it most days.
When I did exercise, I continued to experience the vertigo and nausea I mentioned last time, which was quite unpleasant. I think this is a major reason why I have failed to exercise in the last few days. I am a bit afraid to trigger these feelings because I end up having to retreat to my bed for hours once it kicks up—not the best scenario when I’m trying to get other things done, you know?
I want to get back to working out this week…even if I’m only doing weights, squats or something ultra low impact like my twist disk. Despite not wanting to feel sick, I need to do something active until I feel that I can resume my prior routine. Working out makes me feel happy and helps me to relieve stress, so it is extremely lame that I stop doing it the minute something in my life goes awry. That is exactly when people should exercise! Meh. I really frustrate myself sometimes.
While my week was pretty bad, it wasn’t all gloom and doom. One positive thing that I did for my health was purchase some vitamins. When I last went to the doctor, dinosaurs actually roamed the Earth, but it has been just recent enough for me to remember being told that I was deficient in…pretty much all essential minerals and vitamins critical for human life. And I wonder why I often feel as though I’m falling apart?
Since I am finally trying to make a real go of this whole weight loss thing, I figured that I could help my body out by supplementing my (piss poor) diet with the vitamins I’m not currently getting enough of. I ended up picking up a bottle of Olly Women’s Multi and a bottle of Olly Hello Sunshine. Olly gummy vitamins pretty much became an instant sensation with me after I tried their sleep variety. Those work so well (when I actually take them) that I just knew I’d enjoy their other formulas.
The women’s multi gummies have vitamins A, C, D, E, Bs, Folic Acid and Biotin, while the Hello Sunshine gummies are strictly D3. I’ll probably do a proper review of these vitamins on my main blog (please check that out if you haven’t before) once I’ve been on them awhile, but for now I like them.
I enjoy the Vitamin D3 because it tastes like lemon and doesn’t have a gross smell. The women’s multi, on the other hand, smells pretty unpleasant to me. I actually hate taking them because that means I have to open the bottle lol. It’s not horrible, it just smells like most multivitamins do…all vitaminy. 😛 At least they taste okay, right?
I finally purchased a new scale. It actually came yesterday. Surprisingly, I love it. It was super cheap ($29) and it does everything I wanted it to do, so I’m really happy about that. When it came, I rushed to open it and get it set up because I haven’t weighed myself in months and months. It has probably been closer to a year. I was looking forward to being able to monitor my weight, water percentage, muscle mass and more.
At the same time, I was afraid of what it would tell me. Knowing you are overweight is one thing. Knowing just how overweight you are is another. I didn’t want to become depressed by the numbers on the scale and use it as an excuse to not keep going.
Now for the part I really wasn’t sure I would ever do. Just in general, most women don’t go around telling others their weight, much less on the Internet. Like I’ve mentioned in prior posts, I don’t want to open myself up to negativity, mean comments, bullies, whatever. However, I’m a super honest person. If I’m documenting my life and fitness journey online in hopes of helping someone who is going through something similar, then I have to tell the whole story—not just the nice stuff that paints me in a positive light.
I’m a perfectly imperfect human being just like everyone else. I have flaws…my weight at this time just happens to be one of them. At least I’m working on it. And besides, if I’m too embarrassed to share my weight, then I certainly have no business being the size I am. That being said, my weight yesterday was 275.4 lbs. That is the highest weight I have ever known myself to be at. I will say that it probably isn’t the fattest I’ve ever been though because I have surely lost a few pounds since moving here. Today the scale reads 274.3. Based on my height and frame, I should be 94 to 119 lbs. Whoops.
I’ve decided to make my goal weight: 111 lbs. So, as of today, I have 163.3 lbs to lose.
Strangely, I am not too devastated by what I’ve found out. While I’m the furthest thing from happy about it, it doesn’t feel like the end of the world as I had expected. I actually thought the number would be considerably higher just based on how huge I’ve felt lately and how poor of a diet I had last week. So, I guess in some strange way, it was good news?
Last weekend was the first time in awhile that I’d worn jeans and not felt like a stuffed sausage. I was extremely self-conscious about not looking “too fat” in this particular blue sweater of mine, but I could tell that my body was finally starting to change. Of course, I don’t look thin, but I do look more…compact. Luckily for me, I usually tighten up quickly when I workout regularly. The scale might continue to be a complete a—hole, but at least I can scam people in the streets by looking smaller than I actually am. 🙂
So, as you can see, last week wasn’t my best. However, I’d rather have setbacks early in the game opposed to later on when there’s significant progress at risk of being undone. I’m seriously just trying to take everything in stride, keep a positive attitude and keep going. This probably won’t be the last time you see me tattling on myself, but I’m striving to eventually work all of the kinks out. I’m hoping that moving into my new home and getting better settled in my new environment will help me to alleviate my stress and develop a more effective regimen.
This week’s primary goal is to stick to my calorie allowance. I have adjusted my calorie tracker to my accurate weight and set my weight loss goal to 1.5 pounds a week. So even if I don’t workout at all, if I stick to my caloric plan, I should still lose weight. I will NOT change this weekly goal again. It has been changed over and over and over. It is time for me to simply suck it up and make up my mind. What is more important? That I have extra calories left over to have an extra cracker or two? Or would I actually like to reach my goal sometime within the next century?
Secondary goal? Stop with the sugar. Plain and simple.
I’m hoping that once I get more stability in my life everything else will fall back into place. I’ll stress less, get better sleep and workout consistently once again. This is sure to be a long, long road full of potholes, detours and traffic jams, but…I’m excited.
Yeah, I’m quite excited, indeed.