Remembering How To Laugh

I haven’t laughed as much or as hard as I did tonight in a long, long time. I missed it.

After the unpleasant event that occurred last weekend, my vibes were totally off this week. I haven’t been nearly as productive as I wanted to be. In addition to going through all kinds of stress (justified or otherwise), my overall physical well-being has been a bit…crap. From time to time, I experience these annoying episodes of not feeling very well. Things have certainly been worse in the past, so I’m extremely grateful that I seem to be getting better overall. However, when things go south, it can be pretty painful and debilitating. Not being able to do the things I would like to do, but am too weak to accomplish tends to make me feel like a worthless loser (lol).

For anyone who deals with any type of chronic illness or ongoing condition, I’m sure someone out there can relate to the frustration I go through. I just want to be productive and happy without being slowed down by a body that prefers to frequently rebel against me, you know? Having gone through this for a few years, I know how important it is for me to consistently focus on things that make me feel good and help me to inject more joy into my life. However, my preoccupation with everyday life has caused me to forget the benefit of laughter.

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Sensing A (Possibly Imaginary) Stranger’s Energy: Is He Real?

For some, what I’m about to say may seem extremely weird and unsettling. Super logical types may roll their eyes and ask me if my doctor has “checked my medication recently”. When I scoff at them, letting them know that I actually don’t take any medications, they’ll probably suck their teeth at me and quip, “Yeah? Well, maybe you should.”

For others, what I’m about to say may not only seem perfectly normal, but eerily relatable. New age-ish, peace, love and happiness types whose everyday lives are governed by the Law of attraction (LOA) might even be excited to hear about the peculiar “inspirations” I’ve been having lately.

Where do I even start when talking about something this unusual? Should I start at the beginning? The middle? The end? Let’s just ramble and see where disorganization lands us. This post might be a long one though, so please forgive any potential typos, grab yourself a snack and kick back.

Soooo…I think I’ve been getting energetic glimpses of who my next romantic partner will be. I know, right? Even if I’m completely full of crap and the logic freaks are totally right about the whole medication thing, I’ve got to admit that the experience has still been pretty freaking cool.

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It’s Storytime: I Had Never Been So Embarrassed In All My Life

When I think back over various events in my life, I often end up spending quite a bit of time strolling down memory lane. From the downright hilarious to the absolutely gut wrenching, I have had so many experiences etch an honorary and seemingly permanent place in my mind. Earlier today, I was randomly reminded of an experience I had many years ago. While I can look back and laugh now, it was hardly funny at the time. In fact, the scenario left me lost for words and sincerely mortified.

The interesting thing about this particular memory is that it was one of the very few times I can recall being embarrassed. Now, I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing, but I rarely do or say things that genuinely leave me feeling that way. If anything, I am usually embarrassed for other people. Well, I guess you can say the story I’m about to tell you fell precisely into this category, only this wasn’t a case of an adult behaving badly. No, this was a matter of a child sharing his own brutally honest (not to mention humiliating!) observations. Beforehand, I had heard that kids say some of the craziest things, but this really took the cake for me.

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Sticks & Stones: Please Think Before You Speak

I’ve been going through a very difficult time recently. Though I don’t particularly wish to get into the full details of why that is (I will more than likely speak on it when I’m feeling up to it), I will say that I have been dealing with issues involving self-esteem and confidence. Some aspects of my life have not been going very well lately, so it’s been a bit challenging to keep a smile on my face and fight the urge to allow a sense of defeat and hopelessness to knock me out of the game completely.

I sincerely apologize if this or any of my recent posts aren’t cheerful. I often feel very self-conscious about posting when I am not feeling my absolute best because I am the kind of person who wears their feelings on their face and in their speech. It always feels as though I will pollute everything I do by writing happy words in a sad tone, so I typically refuse to post when that is the case.

Despite having started this blog to share all aspects of my personal life, my true desire is to connect with and help uplift others. That being said, I wish every post could be nothing but sunshine, rainbows and kittens. However, this post isn’t going to be any of those things. For that, I am very sorry. All the same, I come bearing a very sincere request for all who may stumble upon today’s post and read it: Please think before you speak. You never know what the person you are speaking to is truly going through.

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30-Something, Single Female – So Sorry, I Am Not Anastasia Steele

I deleted the dating app about a week after installing it. It was such a relief.

I really don’t know what to say about the whole “dating in the digital age” thing. It is probably safe to say that it isn’t for me. Though I genuinely wasn’t looking for anything romantic in the first place (and I made that quite clear), I simply couldn’t contend with the unspoken (or not so unspoken) expectation of a hookup or FWB situationship. Whatever happened to just being friends?? Perhaps that is exactly my problem…the outdated desire for something strictly platonic with a member of the opposite sex. Stupid, stupid me.

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Weight Loss Journey Update: FML, I Have 163 Lbs To Lose

It has probably been a week or so since my last weight loss journey update. I’ve been procrastinating a bit with the update for a couple of reasons, but the most prominent reason has to do with the fact that I’ve been dealing with some fairly difficult stuff in my everyday life. The last few days have been especially emotionally trying for me, which has caused me to get off track with many of my goals. Of course, I made the mistake of allowing my emotions to disrupt my weight loss routine (as always), so I wasn’t particularly thrilled about announcing that I haven’t been on my best behavior diet-wise.

Despite my recent shortcomings, I am not completely discouraged. This last period of time has been challenging, yes, but I am dead set on getting back on track this week. Since my last update, I have managed to shake off my anxiety about trying to lose weight ASAP. I’m really starting to come to terms with the reality of my situation, and the reality is that this process will be one hell of a marathon. Not a sprint, but a cross-country crawl. I will not reach my goal weight any time in the near future, so I may as well forget about trying to achieve the impossible.

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Grad School Or Bust: Test Anxiety and Armpits (Part 2)

Some people are simply born to do or be something. Singers sing, writers write, bakers bake. For those who have an undeniable talent in a particular area, their life purpose is usually obvious from a young age. To do anything else would seem quite unnatural.

Well, I think this is how it was for me. I’d spent the vast majority of my life saying I wanted to study psychology and contribute something notable to the field. If I didn’t grow up to be a psychiatrist, what else on God’s green Earth could I do? More importantly, who would I be? Be it wrong or be it right, my entire identity was soundly wrapped up in the notion of me becoming a therapist one day. It was the pillar of all my other life goals. I truly believed it was who I was.

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Weight Loss Update: Big Changes, Discouragement and Unexplained Illness

It has been a little while since I last mentioned my weight loss progress. Much to my own surprise, I didn’t go ape nuts with food after my water fast. On the contrary, I rolled directly out of the fast into a sensible weight loss regimen. It is far too early to declare any amazing or shocking results, but I am managing to stick with it. So far, so good.

You know how you can sometimes be on a diet, cutting so much out that you want to maul anyone who gets to eat something other than rabbit food? I’ve definitely been there countless times before, which is why I am trying to not make the same mistake all over again. My only real concern is that I’m starting to feel as though my current weight loss plan may be too manageable. Too easy.

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30-Something, Single Female: Drunk Texting Or Something Similar

I am the worst blogger ever.

The entire point of me having a personal blog is to share snippets of my everyday life. Meanwhile, drama is unfolding behind the scenes and I’ve been sitting on my butt missing it all! I’ve simply got to do better.

My mind is a mess right now. My emotions are even worse off. I actually feel drunk or otherwise intoxicated even though I haven’t had a sip of liquor in years. Even though I feel a slight disturbance brewing in my stomach region and an overwhelming sense of “WTF have I just done” is washing over me, I believe I have done the right thing, at the right time, for the first time ever. I just drunk texted my ex-fiancé. Well, sorta. Okay, not really.

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Sorry, Forrest: Life Is Not Like A Box Of Chocolates

I totally get what Forrest Gump was trying to say about life being a box of chocolates. Really, I do. It is completely true too; you don’t know what you’re going to get. However, my recent bout of Saturday night boredom provided me with a completely different revelation on the randomness of life…the occasionally annoying lack of predictability even. It was through this unexpected revelation that I found unlikely inspiration and insight in the strangest of places—at the bottom of a 800-piece puzzle pile.

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