I really don’t feel like writing right now, but it is because I feel this way that I should write. Mostly, I don’t particularly enjoy writing when my thoughts seem jumbled. Despite clearly feeling some type of way, I at the same time feel nothing at all. Disorganized numbness. That sounds about right to me.
Hey, guys! What is up? Hopefully, everyone is doing well. It’s Friday, so the weekend is upon us, which is always a blessing, huh? I mean, unless you work weekends. In that case, I’m sorry. Really, really sorry. As for what’s been up with me, let’s get into that.
If you’ve been following my water fasting experiment and you read my last post (if not, what are you doing with your life??), then you already know that my attempt at a ten-day water fast was a major fail. Now that I’ve had the chance to recuperate, reflect and eat, I’d like to share my thoughts about the experience. Perhaps it will help someone who is a newbie or fasting-curious (as I was) get an idea of what to look out for.
Day 3 of 10 did not go as planned.
I have mixed feelings about what has occurred today, but the most profound feeling I have is one of extreme gratitude. At this time, it is hard for me to articulate my emotions and thoughts outside of that, so I am going to have to return at a later time to explain what “went wrong”. I just hope I don’t look like too much of a wuss. Hey, I did the best I could. I’m proud of myself for even trying. Eh…just trying to stay positive. Fake it til you make it.
Not gonna lie…today sucked really, really, really, really, really, really bad. Though I was nowhere near grouchy, my mood was reasonably impacted. As difficult as my struggles with anxiety and depression have been in the past, nothing could have prepared me for the crippling amount of self-doubt and weakness that I faced today.
I’m a pretty strong woman, but this water fasting experience is challenging me in ways I have staunchly avoided for a very long time. So even though I am not particularly enjoying the ride thus far, I’m learning so much about myself. Will I continue to learn more? Well, you’ll just have to keep tuning in to find out. I’m curious my own self!
Welcome to Day 1 of 10! I’ve decided to chronicle each day separately to give a more in-depth account of my experience. This way, you can see exactly how I’m feeling throughout the day. I apologize in advance if I start to sound agitated at any point of this journey. I’m simply documenting how I feel as I go through this process, so I will be trying my best to be as candid and transparent as possible. Truth be told, I am not a well disciplined health guru nor do I have prior experience water fasting for longer than a day or two. I’m learning as I go and doing my best. Besides, that’s all any of us can ever do.
Thank you to everyone who has tuned in and expressed interest in my journey over the last few days. I deeply appreciate the encouragement and will be sure to remember it when things get rough.
As I sit here sipping the remainder of my flavored sparkling water and find myself coming to terms with the notion that it will more than likely be my last taste of flavor for the next ten days, I feel impossibly anxious. My heart is racing like I’m expected to deliver a speech to a several thousand head audience.
I keep telling myself, “It’s only a fast”, “It’s only ten days”, “It’s only water”– all of these things are true. All the same, this could be my last day living the life of someone I never thought I’d become. No more hiding. No more disappointment. No more procrastination.
Tomorrow could be the start of the life I stole from myself. I’m terrified.
If I was previously questioning my sanity, I have officially lost my mind.
For the last few months, I have contemplated doing something really extreme. At first, I wanted to shave a design into the bottom half of my head and dye my remaining hair cotton candy colors. Next, I wanted to run off to South Korea to teach English. After that, I up and moved to Arizona, which actually didn’t seem too life-altering in the end.
Though I am an excitement junkie by nature, I have been feeling especially antsy for a drastic and breath stopping change in my life. It is hard to say why.
Okay, that’s a lie. I want a major change because I desperately need and want to shake up my life in a major way.